btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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