a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
