SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
