you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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