I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
