he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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