Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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