I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
