I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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