just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
