So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
