it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
