yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
