This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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