these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
