Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
