Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
