I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
