8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
