do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
