i think my tv is drunk
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
