why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
