I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
