I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
