I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
