i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
