i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
