I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We had sex on a dog bed..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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