I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
