I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
