I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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