and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
