I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
