Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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