Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
