I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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