I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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