yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
