I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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