her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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