Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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