i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
