The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
