FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
