I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Bang-toberfest begins!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
