So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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