everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
