I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
