is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
