So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
