i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
