she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
