tell your sister to shave her snatch
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
