I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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