I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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